Posted on March 28th, 2010 at 5:16 pm by 
A girlfriend in her late 30′s has just fallen pregnant after several failed attempts at IVF. We are all over the moon for her and her joy and the sheer sense of magic she is enjoying is wonderful to see.
But she has had a very, very painful journey, and one which I can readily relate to. No one who hasn’t suffered the agony of infertility can possibly imagine how it can totally take over your life. Infertility is an all embracing medical condition, emotional state and practical headache, a journey which takes you to the apex of anticipation and the utter depths of despair in a few short minutes – usually a tearful trip to the loo. It robs you of your dignity, it steals your sex life making it the property of white coated medics and puts a greater strain on any relationship than flicking channels during Match of the Day.Â
We all know life isn’t fair, but that is never truer than when longing for that elusive baby. Innocent trips to the supermarket result in hiding down the aisles to get away from mothers proudly pushing their newborns in trolleys. Take a walk down any high street and you dodge prams like traffic cones. Take a seat in the corner of a quiet restaurant, and you can guarantee a Mum with her babies will be placed next to you ‘so as not to disturb other diners’. Young girls who look as if they should be at home playing with Tiny Tears parade their proud bellies as a trophy, at times not even knowing the child’s father’s name. Shut the world away and switch on the TV – a woman will be in labour on every channel, crying because she’s had another girl and her husband wanted a boy. Pick up a magazine and see the headline ‘ Posh Spice in her size 0 jeans 2 weeks after giving birth to quads’. But perhaps worst of all are the questions and asides. The ‘don’t you want a family?’ tactless comments, or ‘ you must watch your body clock, you know…. you girls want it all these days, a career and a family. Well, don’t leave it too late.’ Believe me, whilst I was on a quest to create a new life I was very tempted to take a few away…..
Well meaning friends would tell me to imagine all the fun I/we could have as a couple, how we would have a greater income and could do all those things parents never got round to because they were always tied or too tired. We were free, we were told. Free? Free? How can anyone who has ever experienced real longing ever be free?
I’m one of the very, very lucky ones and now have three amazing children. But please don’t forget what some people suffer in that quest, and how many never experience the joy and pain of parenthood. And tread gently with childless women. No-one knows their reasons, whatever they tell you.
marigold xx
