THE MENOPAUSE HAS GOT ME….

I had a visit from a dear family friend over the weekend…. she had me in stitches telling me about her menopausal symptoms and a trip to her Gyny… I asked her to write it all down for us on H&H…. enjoy it.

Your kids have left school, possibly finished at Uni, maybe even left the nest. Its like pre-baby time again……….Ah but is it,

The idea of uninterrupted sex, anywhere, any time? Well think again.

On one visit to my gyny I am told I have a VERY dry vagina and my ovaries have shrivelled to the size and look of walnuts. Well it was December! Was he being ironic or festive?

None of this helped to enhance my sexual self-esteem…my desire was intact but the bodily functions were letting me down. Yep the menopause has got me. Imagine the shock!

My own personal thermostat has now gone completely crazy, which, said gyny witnessed as he asked me about penetrative sex “did I have problems?” he looked up and saw my face throbbing like a tomato and assured me he asked this sort of thing all the time and not to get embarrassed………….

I explained, without much dignity, which of course increased the throbbing colour, I was NOT embarrassed and that these temp changes are the main reason for sitting in his office!

Parts of my body are migrating south and it is increasing at an alarming rate, it may take more than magic knickers and rigby & peller to help, I just don’t feel grown up enough to start this.

The embarrassing little dribbling when coughing, laughing or sneezing and the slight prolapse! (Ah, that’s what that is!)

Damn it, I wish I had done more pelvic floor exercises when in the queue at the bank, try Pilates, get in touch with your core!

The every day words escape even the most articulate “ you know, that thing we sit round and put things on!” to resolve that problem just stare thoughtfully into the middle distance and then change the subject completely, a woman’s prerogative!

So, what do we look forward to?

Possible osteoporosis, heart problems, gaining weight without the pleasures of eating more, sagging body parts, limited vocabulary, depression, thinning hair, headaches, memory loss, oh yes and the dreaded tube of vagina lube WITH applicator! On the plus side no more periods.

OH YES, I’m still hot!

but it just comes in flushes now, oh lord here comes another one…..

ANON XXXX