SO how old is old now… radio four mentioned a prog about how our bodies are ageing… or in the case of some people not being allowed to age and it got me thinking. It is scary for us mere mortals (with a budget) when you see in every glossy mag that ‘celebs’ are having ‘work’ done and they are still ONLY in their twenties and thirties!!

Everything has it’s price, slimmer, trimmer, unlined face and body will equate to an anorexic shape bank balance!

There is now heart age, body age, real age in years… but sometimes you just can’t tell an age when there is so much that science can do to slow it down…. what will these plastic junkies look like when they do reach say sixty/seventy/eighty… ???

Personally I am terrified about any kind of surgery… even when I am in desperate pain (thinking really bad knee here) I am still reluctant to go into hospital for an op… scared to death!!! there are numerous mistakes made every day in the world of medicine, so when it comes to actually putting poison into my face… well no way… not even I could guarantee I would come out looking like Audrey Tatou, her face and body… and  yep I would be very happy to look like her….. but not at that price…. still NO WAY.

We are nagged and warned about the amount of fat/carbs/sugars we eat, the amount of exercise we all need to do per day/per week… and I honestly feel sick that I just DON’T fit into the guideline boxes!

As for the time to fit in these miserable tasks,  visits to the gym, we all spend vast amounts of money on fees thinking it will defiantly re shape our bods, trouble is you actually have to go there… or there are the slimming clubs, weekly weigh-in at weight watchers or slimmers world can take an hour a more…you queue, you strip off anything that could weigh even an ounce including jewellery! you step on scales sweating with nerves and trepidation, oh my god you have put on two pounds “and what have we been doing?” asks smug skinny little troll,  you try humour “well  we’ve been eating and having a great time” wrong…

Do you want to look good enough to be asked out to eat or do you want to eat!!

For the ultimate lazy slobs like me, in keep fit! is a range of tabletop type beds, you lie there and they mechanically move your body for you, contorting you in all directions giving your muscles a workout… but do you know, I just don’t want to do it… I enjoy walking my dog in all weathers…it has to be done, but is that going to help keep my face in peak condition in the wind, rain and snow… NOPE but it makes me happy.

So how old is old… used to be that 40 was the new 50… now it’s 60 is the new 100…. I like my face with the laugh lines… because it shows that I do indeed laugh… and the cellulite… well no one, apart from chosen few ever gets to see it… neck and hands are a dead give away but it takes less than a minute to put on hand cream or a wonderful moisturiser everyday… and so much kinder that the knife or needle.

Give me chocolate and put the skinny jeans back on the rail!

 A GREAT LITTLE ROLLER BOOTY